One of my favorite shows from the good ole days (GOD's as we call them),was Green Acres. For those who remember, the phone was located on a makeshift telephone pole about 100 yards from the house. To make a call, Ahlivah, Zsa Zsa, Mr.Mooney, or whatever drop-in bumbling neighbor would have to scale the pole, click the handle several times while hanging precariously for their lives...
Yet..they always knew where the dang thing was.
I had a patron at the library last night.. a woman of a certain age,talking about the GOD's, when you had that big ugly black rotary phone on a table...or the simple wall phone with the 400 foot cord that could scale the distance of the home. Sure you spent countless hours unwinding, untwirling and "fixin" the cord, but..damn it, ET could make that call in a NY minute..
This author wonders how many precious moments of time we waste looking for, arguing about, and pulling our hair out over a phone.
"I can't find MY phone!"
"Did you call the 2nd phone from the 1st phone?"
"Do you have the second phone?"
"It was next to where the first phone was.."
"Got it...Hold on.."(engaging tracking device...)
*Beep..*beep*...beeeeep***....*blip*
"I hear it....do you hear it?".......
"The couch....look in the cushions..."....mom...found your bra...no phone...
"Check the top of the microwave...no,no....look behind the cat litter box...wait..it fell in the laundry basket.... "Got it..no, no good, lost charge from being off the hook too long.."
"Going to cell...wait, can't find my cell.... someone call my cell from your cell..."
(cut to a faint ring tone of "It's Raining Men" somewhere in the distance)
"Got it..damn it, one bar left.."....
"Hello...hello sis? Hey..gotta make this quick..only have enough charge for two minutes...can you call me back on the house phone in about two hours?No, not now, it's totally dead...tell ya what, I'll call you back on my cell phone after I find the charger..wait, hold on...I'll email ya..Oh damn...isp is down...
Yet..they always knew where the dang thing was.
I had a patron at the library last night.. a woman of a certain age,talking about the GOD's, when you had that big ugly black rotary phone on a table...or the simple wall phone with the 400 foot cord that could scale the distance of the home. Sure you spent countless hours unwinding, untwirling and "fixin" the cord, but..damn it, ET could make that call in a NY minute..
This author wonders how many precious moments of time we waste looking for, arguing about, and pulling our hair out over a phone.
"I can't find MY phone!"
"Did you call the 2nd phone from the 1st phone?"
"Do you have the second phone?"
"It was next to where the first phone was.."
"Got it...Hold on.."(engaging tracking device...)
*Beep..*beep*...beeeeep***....*blip*
"I hear it....do you hear it?".......
"The couch....look in the cushions..."....mom...found your bra...no phone...
"Check the top of the microwave...no,no....look behind the cat litter box...wait..it fell in the laundry basket.... "Got it..no, no good, lost charge from being off the hook too long.."
"Going to cell...wait, can't find my cell.... someone call my cell from your cell..."
(cut to a faint ring tone of "It's Raining Men" somewhere in the distance)
"Got it..damn it, one bar left.."....
"Hello...hello sis? Hey..gotta make this quick..only have enough charge for two minutes...can you call me back on the house phone in about two hours?No, not now, it's totally dead...tell ya what, I'll call you back on my cell phone after I find the charger..wait, hold on...I'll email ya..Oh damn...isp is down...
How about I book a plane ticket and fly down there...it'll take less time..
If I had a nickel for every rollover minute I spent looking for the phone, I'd have enough to buy a big ugly black rotary phone.....a telephone pole...and call a realtor to get a penthouse view...
that is, if I can find the phone.....
Angela Barbeisch.. February 2010
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